Id rather dissolve than have you ignore me

As an artist it is my dream that the people in my daily life such as friends for ex. would see
something i made and laugh and enjoy it or think about some things maybe not even like it. Its ok if they think im stoopid because this is just an excuse to hang out with them. i think things are beautiful. this revelation has saved me from killing myself when i was a teenager with nothing to do but try to get high.

i think supermarkets are like temples that radiate cold heavenly light and makes everyones skin tint in shades of blue and green like your dead. i like to walk up and down the ailes looking at the products and packaging and reading the deals and touching the squishy ness of the packed meats and brains and livers. i could spend hours looking and touching and smelling fruit. I find that the space in the supermarket between the giant plastic containers and the other aisle is one that produces the right enviroment/atmosphere for alien abduction. just think of your self levitation out of the frozen fish section and into the light. i think about people working and how they remind me of my family . i always fall in love with who ever is behind the counter. i think about working a shit job and rude ass people. but i also think about the inmense satisfaction you get when you can pay for something and treat someone. for example paying for your daughters 15,s or her wedding. i imagine a rented ballroom with laquered wood , clean and shinny and a long white table with a thick white cloth. a big birthday cake with trick candles+presents and a stuffed pig. on top of this a huge sign coated in glitter that reads:

Felices 15.

and disco lights running slow and sexy painting the room with fleeting colors. i envision myself dancing in this empty room with my dad , crashing this party, lisenting to nat king cole on a sunday morning. i like to think that my dad thinks i am the reincarnation of my grandfather florencio.

the first artistic thing i did was put a brown bag on my sisters head.
my mom came in and said -
what . are you doing?
desgning hats??-me
ok- just dont put a plastic bag on her head

after that i would be in charge of fixing things with my dad , such as broken lamps , or blinds- persiana americana
the sexy annoying kind

my dads tactic when it comes to fixing things is anything and everything can be fixed. all you need is
:
rubber band
string
straw
glue

the things we fix usually come out worse so my mom gets angry and we get sent to go buy a new lamp
and sneak out to eat junk food
my mom is the boss.
she is beautiful but tough
i remember being 15 and getting into a fight with her and she chased me
all around the house with a wooden spoon
i had to lock myself inside the closet
she left after a while but
i still had to go face her
i was terrified
i cried
and her eyes were burning for about a week after

it was because i was doing stoopid stuff like drinking and smoking so i get it
i had a house party once and i remember my idiot friend fall over backwards onto a
transparent italian glass table
i felt like i was seeing him as a shark would see a floating body
his got up covered in blood with a shit eating grin

i got home soon after that and as i walked into the doorway fainted and fell on my face
popi n pills
and allergic to opiates
she found me and i woke up
a day later totally
unconcious next to a doctor that checked for a concusion
said i was healthy but i needed to go to a therapist

she said i was normal
i was still frustrated with life
so i would take any chance i could to stay in bed all day watching tv
and eating reality tv, julia roberts movies,the same ones always, big brother, twin towers, the news , bob ross,
xuxa and the smurfs, and porn , thats what i like to watch , my friend says im always either heart broken or in love
im trying the alone thing now , sux that im in love with an asshole , we will never be together but maybe we will get married.

all the things i make are just presents for specific people / i hope to give them the pleasure i get
when i hear joni mitchel , indoor fake gardens and waterfalls at the mall and gangster rap about getting paper and fucking hoes. i think making things just makes things more easy to deal with such as the big questions of why , why do we hurt
ourselves and the poeple we love, im no saint , far from , i dont do shit things on purpose or say things to hurt people but
theres so much going on that i dont even have time to realize whats going on , until its too late.

theres nothing i can do about it.

im terrified of getting pregnant and im always running to walgreens to get the day after pill even though im on brithcontrol and i use condoms , but i have a lot of causual random sex, still.

i was thinking of how me and my dad lost my sister at a walmart while we were looking at shampoos and fans.
my dad only packed the cart to the brim with water bottles, he was paranoid that texas was going to get by a tornado
even though there were no warnings on the news. he just thought about the possibility.

so we lost her and nothing . calling her on the speakers looking everywhere . then we found her , just playing on the floor with something. my mom was so angry , she thought someone could have taken her easily and we would never see her again, she has a douche bag boyfriend and lives with him now, im so jealous of justin taking my laura time away that i invent torture devices for him.
laura doesn't know about this art series. im so worried about never ever being able to see certain people again that i cant sleep at night, my heart flutters and tightens , i hope i get to die before everyone
i hate the idea of owning someone anything
and i hate the idea that i feel i can never go back to my country and have a good life
i can not change the world
i believe i can change myself
and not be a total parasite of society?
i worried about the future
i hoep i can learn to be a little less self indulgent.
i like to drink whiskey and watch people fight

i will sky dive
and jump of a cliff naked in greece
i always try to help
but im afraid i already deep fried my brains with substance
and getting hit by cabs
not totally yet ,


i am my own master.
i am my own slave.
i feel a golden shower sprinkle warm and tender
i look forward to the day when i find a bag of pees melting
creating a puddle of water
that was the most beautiful thing i ever saw, i wonder if i could
ever go back in time and relive that one moment.

Kultura Klan Brain wash

It is always hard cleaning my room. I just want to be able to look at everything I own all at once, I hate putting things in shelves or cabinets.

porno porno private reality

sometimes its so great to be alone
its also great when people call each other babe
i like to sit outside your window and watch you cooking
your spaghetti with your blue and brown pots
the hair on the back of your neck
watch you watching your 3d TV
-quit cold turkey-

i bought a vacuum cleaner and
sucked up all the sand at the beach
the problem is there is no interest in having the problem resolved
.redundant. crap. take things personally?
a woman selling a bubble machine
in the subway
the kind that wont pop
toilet paper rolls drape over trees infinitely
cats running on treadmills one after another after another
until they touch the galaxy

bubbles caught in the crevices of your hair
-----infleshing------
is this how you want it?
i dreamt of you cupping your breast
i wanted to swallow your golden halo and
let it swim inside my cheeks like a

hammock rocking from side side and drooling
thick white wads
i dreamt that
the world let me draw your face
in pee
in the snow

My Life in Ruins/Summer Horror Stories

Woke up at 5am to the Goose the dog frantically barking. I let him outside and he ate a bunch of our flowers. He came back inside and threw up. I then took both of the dogs for a long walk. I was wearing weird pants and a tshirt without a bra... Goose ate every kind of plant on the sidewalk.I let him eat plants because they help dogs throw up easier. I took them to this fancy building that I knew had a lot of different kind of plants. A plant buffet. People/dogs love buffets. This guy was laughing at me because I was falling asleep while walking. Another guy laughed at me because I kept telling Goose to throw up. I saw this gay guy from my school walking, I called his name but he was too busy listening to his music walking the wrong way to the subway.

Vic applied for a job at a bar today. I waited outside sat on the sidewalk in the sun drinking a ginger beer. People kept thinking I was drinking a beer and that I was homeless. After an hour of waiting I went inside and sat at the bar with Vic, she was still waiting to be interviewed. I got a drink it was 4pm, it was 2 for 1 drinks since it was happy hour. I got a bloody mary for my second drink. I was a little buzzed driving around with Vic. We were headbanging to awful music on Houston st and this woman filmed us on her iPhone. If you see us youtube let us know!!!!!

Vic also dragged me to an awful concert. But we loved the dancing styles of the crowd goers.

The day before yesterday I went to yoga by myself. My ears were ringing and I wasn't wearing my glasses, blind deaf and dumb. I kept falling over so sometimes I would just sit down. The yoga lady was kind of laughing at me.

A couple of months ago this guy on the street told me he liked my look and asked for my number. I gave him my family's landline number that had been disconnected years ago since we all have cellphones now. I saw him yesterday while I was waiting on the corner of my block to give my boss keys. The guy came up to me and told me he was disappointed in me. He started shouting at me "IS THS HOW YOU TREAT BLACK PEOPLE???!! IS THS HOW YOU TREAT BLACK PEOPLE???!!" My boss drove up while this guy was doing this. I kept saying "NO!" I wanted to say "NO I dated a black guy once" but I couldn't I just ran away.

My second oldest sister called me last night while I was eating peanut butter. She is deathly allergic to peanuts. She told me that she is the only single lady at her work so her coworkers keep setting her up on dates. I keep telling my friends to set me up with rich hotties but none of them will. I just want my rich September boyfriend to come already.

up again at 5 because of crazy sex nosies nxt door.

I mean I gotta say, I mean I gotta say, I mean I gotta say

I LIVE ON A WEBSITE - 2030

" the body is just a cheap suitcase for the mind." lady jaye

" all metal bands are basically tom waits cover bands" - girl at a bbq

Summer Wine

kazy kazza kazuuuuuuuuuu

from the thumbnail she looked like she was on a mural of the earth